Let’s talk about sex.
Or rather the misconception of sex.
From the outside looking in, college looks like every sex-comedy out there. Booze-filled, sex-rampant, a 4-year mirror of American Pie. But is college really solo cups and jerseys galore, everyone trying to, ahem, “score”?
How many people are having sex? How many people feel uncomfortable with the sexual atmosphere in college? The pressure? The “You’re a slut for sleeping with him” vs. “You’re a prude for not” that many of us are faced with.
We’ve all got questions about college sex. So to get the facts straight we released a “Real Talk, Girl Talk” survey, asking about all things sex.
The response we got was astonishing with nearly 700 students participating from schools across the country.
When polled, 37% of the participants said they felt the pressure to be sexually active as a freshman. Take that as a big flashing sign telling you that if you’re feeling nervous about sex in this stage of college, you’re not the only one that may not be “DTF.”
What if casual college sex just isn’t your jam? Maybe you want to wait until marriage. Maybe you don’t, but just haven’t found that special person yet. Maybe you have found that special person, but just not the right moment. Maybe sex is something you’re still trying to feel comfortable with— Whatever the reason may be, you’re not the only one internally battling “Should I?” “Could I?” “Would I?”
We see it in every movie, every television show, and hear it from our peers. Suddenly it becomes how we portray college life. We start to believe, “If you haven’t, you’re the only one.” If you’re not having the hook-up, one-night stand, walk of shame, college experience— you’re “missing out.”
It’s no secret the first few months of college are filled with transitions– and having pressure to have sex is just one of the many changes that introduce itself. Perhaps the biggest transition is the way relationships are presented in college.
Said by one participant, “There’s pressure to be easy. It’s definitely not like high school. In college, on a first date or even on the first night you meet a guy at a party, it’s assumed that you’ll have sex.”
So why is it that sex is such a hot topic? Well, sex, relationships and love have changed with our move to college.
Now, college social environments are consumed by “hook up culture”, a culture in which we encourage casual sexual encounters instead of deeper emotional connections. Booty Calls vs. Boyfriends. An environment that makes the sexual pressures of college feel even stronger.
With this hookup culture, sex may seem like it’s happening more frequently and in less committed situations. Making the sexual landscape in college all more confusing.
The bottom line is that your “sexual awakening” doesn’t need to reflect anybody’s values but your own. It’s not about what everyone in your sorority is doing, it’s not about the morals your parents raised you with, it’s not about proving yourself to others. Your sexuality is about you. Your body is about you. Your beliefs and goals and comfort levels and readiness to make sexual decisions are about you. Sex is a wonderful thing when you’re ready.
Said one participant, “Yes college seems to be sexually driven, but bear in mind not everyone is the same. Just always be 100% true to yourself and you’ll be happy that way.” Being comfortable in your own skin is worth your while because when you’re confident in yourself, it’s that much easier for others to be confident in you too.
The next time you’re sitting around playing King’s Cup and it’s time for Never Have I Ever, relax. Don’t worry about the expectations people hold you up to and have confidence in who you are.
It can never be stressed enough the importance of doing what’s best for you and knowing that no matter what you choose to do, or how to feel, there are others feeling the same exact way.
In the words of the holiday, “Sex makes everything complicated, even if you’re not having it, it makes things complicated.”
What are your thoughts about sex in college? Comment below!